Refracting 2020 Emotions
Refraction is the change of direction of a wave passing from one medium to another, most commonly observed with light. This word has been floating in mind for a while now. I believe it can be used to describe the bending of emotional energy, creating a new sense of purpose.
2020 was a roller coaster of emotions... sometimes we mean well and our heart may be in the right place., however it may not be connected to the true light within. We all know it is easier to keep intentions, to be patient and understanding when our own being is not feeling threatened.
In 2020 the sense of loss...physical, mental, and spiritual was very real.. I began to feel helpless. I normally was the one to remain calm, to listen with empathy, to support and encourage others. Instead I too was looking for something to grasp.
How can I make a difference when I am questioning my own perspective?
I had to get back in touch with who I am, it was more than just being a reiki practitioner, it was remembering that I am just like everyone else, we all are beings of light, born in God's image, connected by our inner light, lost in the shadows of the moment, trying to find our way.
Isolation offered plenty of opportunity to self reflect, however it was difficult at first. I had to choose to step back from the politics, the protests, the deaths, and chaos, choose not to offer my opinion on social media, choose not to judge what was happening.
On the days that I did make that choice, I had to learn to dispel the guilt, was I turning my back on what was happening? Was I stepping into a "safe" place, was I putting up a wall, was I in denial of what was happening?
It was all rather overwhelming. So I sat... and did nothing.
Being in nature has always offered a sense of gratitude and awe. At first it was pretty cool to have nothing to do but hang out in the woods. As the days turned to weeks and the weeks to months, the time spent in quiet reflection became more than thoughts and aspirations
I began to see more than just trees offering a reprieve from a troubled world. I saw their suffering in twisted broken branches, their humbling in up rootedness, their stark nakedness amidst splintered bark. Amidst all the disarray, there was no sadness, no pity, no judgement. I took an even closer look and what I found was new growth. Repurpose. Nature bending what is, to become something else.
As I look around my neighborhood , it could be any neighborhood, any county ,any city...I see the brokenness ;the fragments of hopes and dreams . I see the uncertainty and fear ;the longing to belong . I see the desperation for change I see, people like myself ;people who are caught up in a moment of their surroundings. I see fragments of light twisting , turning to break through , bending to create new prisms of hope.
And now, I try not to pass judgement, instead I try to see the lessons of bending. I understand that by being strong in my light, is all that is needed to help others find their light.
We are still breathing ! We are still living! Our light still shining. a little refracted; creating new prisms of purpose.
feeling lighter, brighter in the moment.
Becoming repurposed , feeling a familiar reconnection to love & compassion. Stopping the projections of uncertainty, replacing with hope. With the forgotten knowing that all will be well.